Reinventing Somer. Healing Series I

goodbye runningGoodbye for now, running. I miss you like crazy.

I’m here to clear up some myths, as well as find a way to ease some of my angst. If you don’t feel like getting personal, come back and visit in a couple days, I have some great food coming on the blog again on Friday.

“Every night you cry yourself to sleep. Thinking: “Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?” Hard to believe.” -Maroon 5

I am not the perfect picture of health right now. In January of this year, I had an accident. I fell on black ice. I hit my head, my elbow and my lower hip/(hamstring) area. At the time, I just thought I had very (very) painful watermelon sized bruising. It hurt like hell, but I’m stubborn and didn’t go to the doctor. I just thought it would heal and that I would be fine. It wasn’t until 3 months later, while I was still in pain all the time and couldn’t make it up my stairs without cringing that I decided it was time to go in. My sports medicine doctor gave me a cortisone shot, a frown and a referral for emotional therapy (I didn’t go).

“You gotta cry without weeping, talk without speaking, Scream without raising your voice” -U2

The other solution? Physical Therapy, and lots of it. I’ve been going now for over a month and a half. My sessions consist of some sweet torture with these archaic looking Graston Therapy Technique Tools followed by soft tissue massage.

graston technique

The physical therapists work me with the various tools from my hip to my knee, trying to break down the muscle tissue fibers that have healed wrong. The treatment is supposed to realign the scar tissue and get it to heal properly. The therapy causes ripe bruises to bloom nearly each time I visit. The result is that my dent in my leg where my hamstring muscle perforated is somewhat smoother, but the truth is, I probably waited too long before seeking treatment. My scar tissue is like a crazy big lump and it isn’t really going anywhere. I can’t sit or stand comfortably for more than 20 minutes at a time. I’m always feeling some level of pain, even on my good days it’s nice and dull and present. Stairs are getting easier, but if I have to bolt up them, I’m quickly reminded to slow the heck down so I don’t hurt myself. Any repetitive motion exercises are out. Walking two blocks is a chore. Don’t even ask me about pushing a grocery cart or rolling over in bed to sleep on my left side.

Pain is Weakness

Even harder though is that I’ve felt like the injury crushed my soul just as much as it crushed my leg. I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with how something that happened in a flash could alter me so completely. Running not only provided a fitness outlet for me, it was also my stress relief, my internal therapy and something that I felt like was a huge part of my identity. Sure, I’ve taken a running break now and again, but now that I’m unable to run, I feel like I’ve lost a huge piece of myself. I’ve been in mourning. Tears come too easily most days. But I’m learning that running doesn’t define me, just like the number on the scale (a bit higher) doesn’t make me any less awesome. I’ve found strength in turning to my spiritual side. I’m also trying to re-direct my focus onto what I can do. 

“What else should I be? All apologies.” -Kurt Cobain

I’m doing pilates like exercises with stretchy bands to strengthen my legs, which have pretty much atrophied from disuse. Sometimes I get crazy and do the recumbent bike or elliptical for a few minutes. (Ow and ow). Last week I tried running on the treadmill at physical therapy with an anti-gravity harness on for 10 minutes. It was way too soon, and I’m paying for it big time.

“Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target” -Gordon B. Hinckley

The waffle makerGoodbye Ragnar Relay and the Beautiful well earned Waffle Breakfast. This would have been our sixth year together. I think I miss you the most of all the races.

No more breakfastGoodbye fit legs. I hope we can be friends again someday.

So, I’m not exactly sure what comes next. I’ve bought a fancy prancy gym membership with a Restorative Yoga Class and a pool for me to get my pool running on with this awesome pool belt.

the hand offI’m passing the baton and teaching some running skills vicariously to someone new who asked for my help. I’m sure they’ll love it as much as I did in time.

“Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, ‘Cause I built my life around you” -Stevie Nicks

somer luckyFor now, I’m happy to spend a good portion of my day cuddling with my dog and snoozing on the couch (he’s been glued to my side ever since I got hurt). I’ll let you know how things are going. Hopefully, someday soon, I’ll be up and running again.

“Every step I take, every move I make. Every single day, every time I pray. Ill be missing you” -Sean Combs, riffing on The Police

145 comments

  1. You will get there, missy! At one point in my life I wondered if I would hike again. They day I crossed my first 20 miler I was crying. It isn’t easy I know, at least you got a big cuddly lap dog though 😉

    1. You bet I’ll get there, the question is… How long will it freaking take? 😉 I ‘m sure I’ll be crying all over again when it does happen, and yes, I’m Lucky to have such a sweet fluffy teddy bear of a dog to lift my spirits. Love him.

  2. ah snap. i am so sorry Somer. Sending you tons of healing energy. I hope things reset eventually and you either get back to running or some other similar thing that you will start loving as much. XX
    That huge ball of cuddle is adorable.
    hang in there.

    1. Thanks Richa. Postive Healing Energy is good and I welcome it 🙂 I think I’m going to overcome this (been through worse). And hopefully I’ll come out on the other side stronger. The fluffy ball of cuddle is my redemption 🙂 xx

  3. Oh Somer, I almost cried reading this. I’m so sorry to hear how serious your injury is and how much your heart must hurt from it all. I truly pray and hope you regain all of it back and THEN SOME. Makes you really appreciate the ease of things, once they’re taken away huh? My poor hubby is somewhat limited to this day as well from his arthritis in his abilities, but he has come a long way. I know you will too. 🙂

  4. Oh man, I am so sorry about your injuries. I am also a runner (kinda more of a jogger…) I also am not able to run for the last couple of weeks because of injuries (also had a fall over a year ago and never went to a doctor to have it checked out, and now I am paying for it). It is so frustrating and I also need to be active to be a nicer person (I am a very wired A-type personality). I really hope you feel better soon! I can totally relate to how you feel.

    1. ugh, you took the words out of my mouth “I need to be active to be a nicer person” My poor husband and children. Thank goodness I’m starting pool running tomorrow, it might be the temporary glue that holds us all together. Get treatment for that injury girl! xx

  5. Oh Somer, sorry to hear about this. I hadn’t realised your fall was so bad. At least you have the right attitude. Just keep reading this post above each time you feel like giving up. You’ll get there, you have a huge community rooting for you:)). As the old saying goes if you fall down seven times make sure you get up eight. Will look forward to hearing when you’re back running at a pace you’re happy with.

    1. Yeah, it took me a while to figure it out too. Blasted black ice. Curse it forever! 😉 I’m totally still going to keep fighting to get back up and going again. Thanks for the sweet and kind advice.

      1. You’re welcome:) You’ve the fighter spirit so you’ll amaze yourself what you’ll achieve.

  6. Oh no! I didn’t realise you could do that from a fall. I’d have been just the same, thinking it needed time to heal and no need to bother the doctor.
    Hamstrings do take lots and lots of time to heal, I know that, so be patient and kind to yourself. Too much too soon could just set you back.
    I wonder if you could use up some of that energy trying something completely new. A friend of mine had a similar crisis and started singing lessons. Ten years on she’s still singing in a band – and totally fit again. Good luck!

    1. neither did I! This all seems so crazy to me! I’m taking it easier now as my body is definitely telling me less is more at the moment. When I gain strength I really want to start hot yoga. I really feel like that could be my new thing if running doesn’t work out like I want it too. Thanks again.

      1. Yoga is great, though hamstring injuries (more minor than yours) can be quite likely if folk push themselves too far too soon in forward bends.
        There is controversy over whether hot yoga might lead to stretch/damage of tendons and ligaments. I’ve not tried it, but I’d guess that as if with any yoga, if you find a good teacher who encourages the right mind set (being self-aware, working at the right level and pace for your own body, not straining and end-gaining,etc) it should be okay.
        I reckon a good rule of thumb is that with any kind of yoga, you should feel better in mind and body after the class than you did beforehand!

  7. Dear Somer, wish you a smooth recovery process. Meanwhile I hope you will really enjoy the experience of all the new physical activities and embrace the relaxing times completely. With that big, cuddly baby next to you I’m sure you are. *hugs*

    1. Thanks so much Susmitha. I’m gonna embrace it for sure, not many times in your life that you just get to lie around. Now if I could only stop eating the bon bons at the same time 😉

  8. I think you are on the right track with the yoga and water exercises. I used to think they were for sissies, but they have done so much for me. They’ll help keep you in shape while you are healing and are relatively pain free. The yoga was also amazing for my mind, which was pretty bummed over not being able to do what I used to do. I’ve become addicted to yoga and am so grateful for the upper body strength I now have.

    1. That’s exactly what I thought! Sissies! No more, this perspective changes everything and I’m feeling like those are the things that will do me the most good at the moment. I can imagine myself really falling in love with yoga for sure. Thanks 🙂

  9. somer you are so incredible this blog, so brutally honest, has touched me deeply. What courage to share your vulnerability in such a detailed and painful way I am in awe of your courage, I am in awe of the fight within you I am sending you all my prayers and healing energies your way. You are truly a light. You are truly a gift. The sweet picture at the end with your sweet dog was the cap on top of an incredible photo log…. seeing you with him/her makes me admire you even more. thank you

    Ana Goldseker 410-979-6446 anagoldseker@gmail.com https://www.facebook.com/MindfulNutrition https://twitter.com/MindfulNutritio http://pinterest.com/mindfulnutritio/ http://anagoldseker.wordpress.com/

    1. Ana, thanks so much, your words feel very heartfelt and meaningful to me. Someday, I’ll be able to look back at this trial and feel like I’ve learned something from it. I’m so glad you loved the photo of my dog Lucky. He’s the baby of the family and is such a sweetheart. He was my running companion before. Now he’s my napping companion 🙂

  10. I’m so sorry. You’ll get there, just take things slowly and allow the changes to happen. And thank goodness for our dogs, always there when we need them. Your pup is adorable!

  11. Wow, how awful!.You might want to look in to Rolfing (it’s a massage technique) to work out the kinks and get you back 100%.. After years of running and retrowalking (backwards) my legs went numb and I can hardly walk. Bikram yoga, NAET therapy, wt. training, plenty of water and a raw vegan diet helped enough to do the “old lady shuffle”. Good luck and keep pushing!

    1. Interesting, I’ll have to check it (rolfing) out. Like you, I also do better with a high raw diet, but find that beyond salads and smoothies at the moment that the rest of the food prep is too time intensive for me right now. I cannot wait til I have the strength in my legs to try Bikram. I have a feeling I’ll really (really) love it. Thanks!

  12. Oh! How well I can relate to your frustration and pain…and impatience! I ran 30 miles a week and nothing was better than the release I felt with each step. Measured breaths and paces and letting go of each day’s burden until I return home cleansed, sweating and victorious! Until an abrupt ankle fracture and acute tendonitis stopped me. No running?!?! I cried. Every morning. Every night. Every time a runner passed me on the street. I wouldn’t let hubby run because I couldn’t run. (He didn’t mind which irked me even more!) I waited 1…2…3 months and still my body hadn’t healed. Then I got angry. Which is a good thing. Anger was pity leaving my body. I started boxing cardio workouts to keep my metabolism up (standing in place at first and working up to kickboxing the air s-l-o-w-l-y.) I practiced yoga. I walked. I started ballet “lean” muscle building. Yesterday I ran. For the first time in over 4 months. I was scared. I was sore. But I ran. 2 miles s-l-o-w-l-y. And when I got home I cried. A victory cry. Yours in is there…it will come out in time…I’m here cheering for you!

    1. Girl, I so feel you. All of this! Every time I see a runner outside right now I want to curse and throw tomatoes at them. Showoffs. 😉 hehe.

      I love that you ran yesterday. Keep it slow as you recover so you don’t hurt yourself again.

      xx
      Somer

      1. LOL Every time I injure something, I enviously watch everyone who can use that body part. Last summer I managed to cut off the end of a thumb. Urgent Care cauterized the wound (waaay more painful than the injury itself) but being in the kitchen was a huge challenge for a while after that. I just sat and sadly watched everyone who could actually use their hands 🙂

  13. Black ice always freaks me out and I run on the treadmill all winter. I kind of thought I was a baby, but maybe not. You will get better. It just sometimes takes a lot more time than we want. And more tears. Don’t listen to people who say you won’t do this or that. You (and ONLY you) get to decide!

    1. Um, yeah, I *wish* I fell on black ice whilst running. At least that would be a kinda cool injury story, Nope I just fell on concrete while not doing much of anything. I do (did) love winter running actually. The treadmill feels like something I’ve always had to suffer through, but you’ve definitely got to have the right gear (including some short screws drilled into the bottom of your least favorite pair of running shoes).
      p.s. I decide I’ll run again, even if it’s 5k’s with walk breaks instead of longer distance racing.

  14. Thank you for sharing your bad experience with us all! I hope you will be feeling better soon, dear friend!! xxxx Hugs & kisses to you! 🙂 xxx A very inspirational post! xxxxxxx

    1. I know that you’re not a stranger to pain either my friend. I’ll get through it. I appreciate so much your kind words Sophie. xoxox

  15. I’m so sorry Somer. While I know you’ll find a way, I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. I am awfully glad you have a lovely pup to sit with you. My healing companion passed last week, but when I had surgeries, he was my warm cuddly shadow. Good to have a warm cuddly shadow in the dark times. Peace, lady.

    1. Oh honey. I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. Our dog is definitely like a family member so I can only imagine how you must be grieving his loss. They know what we need, don’t they?
      xx

      1. They do indeed. I’m glad your pup is with you. Mine made it to 16 and was mostly himself until the last two weeks, so while I am definitely grieving, I’m so grateful for his time here. Take care of you.

  16. I’m sorry to hear about your injury and the toll its taken trying to get back. Keep up the encouragement and prayers though. God is the God of the seemingly impossible, that’s when he likes to work. I think the story of how you’re fighting through this is actually more inspiring than your initial story though.

  17. Wow. I am so impressed with your attitude toward it all. You mentioned that you’ve broken down often and for that I don’t blame you in the least (I would be a wreck *all* of the time), but still, your attitude is very inspiring. I’m so sorry to hear about the terrible injury. You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

    1. Sometimes I wish I was much tougher, but hey, I’m totally a softie, hence all the blubbering about it. Trying to grow a thicker skin… 🙂

  18. So sorry Somer, what an awful experience. I really hope for you a speedy recovery and I’m glad you have your lovely dog to give you cuddles. 🙂

      1. So sweet, what is his name? It’s so true – they make everything better our furry one’s don’t they? And call me crazy but my bunch know when something’s not right and give me extra loving 🙂

  19. I’m so sorry to hear about this accident and the consequences of it! I know where you’re coming from; about a year and a half ago, an enormous dog (a Black Russian terrier) broke16 bones in my hands and ribs and injured my face. I’m still in physical therapy and occupational therapy after surgery and months and months of ever-changing braces. The good news is that my face and right hand are completely healed now and I have three fingers working on my left hand. The ring and pinky finger will always be deformed-looking but they may yet work. I support myself with typing (am a political scientist), so it was very hard on me to try to do my job under these conditions, much less trying to cook, clean myself, shop, even eat! It was very hard for a long time to work with both hands in casts and then later braces. For a long time, I was like a lobster, with just an index finger and thumb on each hand and big braces getting in the way of everything I did. 5 hours of PT a week and 3 of occupational therapy ate up my vacation time and free time and I had to work late every day to make up for the hours missed for therapy, so I was exhausted all the time and couldn’t really do other workouts on top of my full-time job.

    The good news is that the surgery and therapy DID work for the most part in the end. I’m almost through with physical / occupational therapy and am back to hiking, the elliptical, the incline treadmill, and lots of walking again.I gained two new dear friends from this experience – both of the therapists! – and strangely the time I *had* to concentrate on myself and my healing finally helped me get over my husband’s midlife crisis, his heartbreaking affairs, and our divorce. This has been a VERY hard time for me (the divorce alone just about killed me – I never expected anything like this from the husband I loved so much, but the accident on top of it was almost too much), BUT it turned out to be a healing time on many levels. I keep thinking of that Pete Seeger song that we also sang in church (lyrics come from Ecclesiastes) when I was a kid:

    “To everything – turn, turn, turn
    There is a season – turn, turn, turn
    And a time for every purpose under heaven
    A time to be born, a time to die
    A time to plant, a time to reap
    A time to laugh, a time to weep
    A time to kill, a time to heal

    To everything – turn, turn, turn
    There is a season – turn, turn, turn
    And a time for every purpose under heaven
    A time to build up, a time to break down
    A time to dance, a time to mourn
    A time to cast away stones
    A time to gather stones together
    To everything – turn, turn, turn
    And a time for every purpose under heaven…”

    I hope that this time – awful as it is at times – will give you some unexpected gifts, as well. Maybe there’s a reason for it we don’t see yet. I learned so much. I got even closer to my best friends and found out who my real friends were. I was so touched by others’ kindnesses. I appreciate the small things more. I really hope you get some positive things out of this sad experience. Somehow, knowing what I know of you, I am SURE that you will come out of this even stronger, smarter, more resilient, kinder, and with more friends. Best of luck to you through this! You have lots of people rooting for you!

    1. Oh my goodness, what a terrifying and terrible experience. I’m so proud of you for having the strength and the will to get through it and to continue to push to be made as well as you can be. Let alone all the other horrible stuff that you have been through. The human spirit is an amazing thing. Thanks for sharing your story.
      p.s. I listened to that song lots growing up. Totally appropriate for this situation.

  20. I definitely understand about the injury, I’m so sorry to hear about it! My boyfriend and I are climbers, and he recently tore his hamstring, which put a stop to his climbing for a good while. Then I had to go and chop off the pad of my finger, which put a stop to mine! It’s all about keeping up your spirits and knowing that you’ll recover and be back to it before you know it.

    1. Ugh, injury is definitely the bane of an athletic person’s existence. It’s hard not to fall into a depression over it since we rely so much on sports to tame our demons. Trying hard to keep the spirits up. Thanks for your comment.

  21. Somer,
    Thank you for sharing such personal information. My heart goes out to you. Although we have never met, I have been following your blog for some time now and know how much running means to you.

    What I am about to say, may seem uncaring but I do not intend it too. If this does, please tell me to go fly a kite.

    I too am going through something difficult right now and what’s helping me keep my perspective is the Boston Marathon Bombing. I live in Boston and although I was not at the Marathon Finish Line, there are people in my office who were at the finish line and/or who ran the marathon and literally crossed the finish line before the 1st bomb went off. Since the bombing, I have been following the stories of the people who were affected, that is, the people who lost limbs and who are at Spaulding Rehab learning how to function in a wheelchair or with prosthetic limbs. When I think about these people I realize what I am going through is so microscopic that it doesn’t even compare.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, in the grand scheme, it could be worse, right? As Eckhart Tolle says [and I’m paraphrasing] “Focus on the Now. Don’t think about the future, and forget the past as it doesn’t serve you.” Tolle’s wisdom has been helping me cope with my pain as he is a spiritual teacher. You should check him out, perhaps you too can find strength in his wisdom.

    Again, I hope this comment doesn’t come across as uncaring or unsympathetic as that is not my intent.

    XX
    -Susan

    1. Susan, I had a similar “come to realization” moment that my life could be so much worse at physical therapy recently. I was in a lot of pain and feeling pretty sorry for myself, when I overheard the patient in the next room. It was a mother discussing treatment options for her son who was coming to physical therapy after he had a brain tumor removed. He needed to relearn to walk and talk after his surgery.

      Huge perspective shift. I do realize that I am very lucky and have certainly taken my body and the things it could do for granted. The reason I wrote this post however was to help me get through the grieving process, even if my injury is far less significant, it is real and it affects me deeply on a daily basis and limits many of the activities I would normally do. I’m trying to find a new normal around here, and part of that is overcoming the loss I’ve experienced and figuring out how to rise above it.

      Love you girl. Thanks for your kind thoughts. xx

      1. Whew! So glad I didn’t offend or upset you — sooooooooooo not my intent. I was just trying to convey that like you, I am coping with something painful and one day, like you, while feeling ever so sorry for myself when, I too had a self-realization that what I am coping with is a blip on the screen compared to those marathon survivors. And as you say, it doesn’t make my or your pain any less real or valid, it just how I was trying to cope via perspective.

        I like that you wrote a post acknowledging the grieving process. I should have done something similar as I haven’t posted anything substantial in a over a month (I have only been reblogging).

        In addition to Tolle’s wisdom, meditating and literally immersing myself in my fixer-upper house, I have also sought out therapy because I was having trouble processing some of my emotions.

        I still have your email, if you’re up for a sob story, I can email you the cliff notes version of what’s happened in my life.

        In any event, I think you are an amazing woman! Do what you need to do to heal and take care of yourself, physically and mentally. I know you have a huge support system, but I am always an email away if you need me.

        🙂

        xx

  22. You are doing all the right stuff, not the least of which is sharing yourself with us. You are awesome! Never stop.

    1. Jim, that really means a lot to me. Thanks for having my back. I’ll get through this and be stronger for it. A large part of my oomph comes from readers like you.

  23. Dear Somer,
    I am so sorry for your pain in facing this difficult challenge. I know you will overcome it–you have already done amazing things and you have a tremendous fighting spirit. I wonder if you have considered Bikram yoga. It is a yoga practice designed for healing body injuries and ailments. I’ve spoken to a number of folks who’ve healed difficult physical injuries through their practice. I love it and I think you would too! Wishing you courage, joy, and success! Love, Becky

    1. I have definitely considered Bikram, but from what I understand it takes a significant amount of strength to hold the poses, especially in that heat. I’ve got to get a bit stronger before I think I’ll be capable of that, but I’m all for it, it’s one of the primary reasons I signed up at the new gym, so I could have it on my horizon as something to do when I’m stronger, but not yet quite strong enough to run.
      Thanks so much Becky. xx

  24. I hear you, Somer! I’ve recovered from two big surgeries in the past four years, a spinal fusion and a hip reconstruction, the latter of which left me unable to run more than 4 miles and it’s taken a long time to get there. Stick with the PT and keep you chin up. It gets better; the body is an amazing machine! First and foremost, be patient and kind to yourself. Then, embrace the opportunity to explore other forms of exercise.

    1. Holy cow, and here I am whining about a little hamstring injury. I’ve never been out like this before, but hey, if you got through it, I can too. Embracing, and embracing some more. Thanks so much for your thoughts.

  25. My dear, you are so brave! People don’t realize how tedious and depressing recovery can be, especially if it’s a sloooooow one (though, let’s admit it, they’re all way too slow for our liking). When I became injured and had to miss the Marathon because of it, I spent a long time sulking and feeling like shit. I also spent a long time in physical therapy (I could only do stuff on one leg and I’d gained weight from the inactivity, and my physical therapist was hot, so it was kind of a demoralizing, painful situation). ANYWAY, when I got the okay to do yoga, I felt like I’d blossomed. I finally started feeling good, strong, and accomplished again. I hope the same happens for you when you get in the pool and on your mat at that schmancy gym. I still run, but yoga’s become my primary activity love, and that wouldn’t have happened had I not been injured.

    You’re strong and you’ll be back at it very soon. I’m proud of you and loved seeing these gorgeous pics of you. Just look at yourself! You’re a bright star!

    Rooting for you the whole way! XO
    Ash

    1. It’s such a strange place to be in, isn’t it? I keep wondering why I torture myself but I can’t seem to stop. And I totally get the demoralizing painful situation. I am SO there. My first yoga class will be tomorrow night. I have a feeling there’s going to be a huge release. I hope I don’t cry my eyes out and get a snot face. I better stuff some tissues in my sports bra just in case. Big hugs and kisses girl. Thanks for adopting me as part of the lil foxes family. xx

  26. Wonderful blog post Somer, thank you for sharing your story! If you need to put your energy into something positive (or someone!), please help me!! LOL! I am a 43 year-old who is trying to “learn” to run and have no idea where to start! I have never enjoyed sports, but for some reason I would love to be a “runner” and accomplish that in my life… I just don’t know how or where to really start. Any tips?!? 🙂 Thank you and a speedy recovery to you!!

    1. Katherine, email me, so we can start a real dialogue. I would be so happy to help you. I’ve helped tons of friends start running. Many of them have gone on to run half and full marathons. I think *most* people are capable, with the right mindset. xx

  27. I feel your pain, Somer. It is the worst when life tells YOU what’s up and how you’re going to live it. I’ve been where you are and I’ve cried like you cried. Patience and willingness to embrace change and adapt are the greatest tools you can wield. Good luck to you, have faith!

    1. I’m embracing it baby, it just took me a while to get there. I was angry at the situation for a while. Now that I’ve let that go, I feel so much better, and I’m sure it will help me heal faster too. Nothing like anger to make a wound fester. 😉

  28. SO PROUD OF YOU. You know why. So many comments have put your finest qualities into words but my favorite one: COURAGEOUS. You are, even when you doubt it. One of the strongest women I know. Wish I could join you at the schmancy pool- I’ll be there the moment we strike it rich. 😉 Love your guts!!!!!

    1. Yeah, pretty much no chance I’ll get to hang out with you at 7 peaks with this going on.

      I can’t believe we didn’t do your birthday lunch and now you’re going out of town. I need some quality Erika time when you get back. Promise? xx

  29. You are going to make it through this but it must be hard for you right now. I had to stop running because of an injury years ago, and was able to find other ways to get in shape. But I always felt a twinge when I saw other runners. I took running for granted. I hope to start again soon and wish you well on your recuperation.

    1. That twinge is a funny thing isn’t it. Jealousy is kinda ugly, but I can’t seem to help it 😉 Here’s to finding new ways to be fit. 🙂

  30. One day at time, Somer! Thanks for the share. I fully understand your story. As a Zumba dancer (5 times a week & professional Flash Dance Mobs), injured back and broken toes wound my pysche more than my body. God’s way of saying, “Hey, girl-slow down. Try some new Vedged Out recipes, finish oil paintings, read books.”. Though the untimeliness is usually a week before vacation. Hiking Washington State mountains in flip flops–NO FUN! Take care, Somer. Love your BIG furry companion. I have two Russian Blue cats that seem to LOVE my “in bed only” conditions. LOL

    Sharon Dupuis Papez 59 yrs old, thinking I’m 30

    1. Isn’t it amazing how exercise is so good for the mind? I’m positive that’s why I’ve been so batty and emotional. Maybe I did really need to slow down… I’m sure it will all work out in the end. You are incredible Sharon! xx

  31. how unfortunate, somer! i hope the yoga membership and pool keep you active and help you heal quickly. i love your outlook and the quotes. good luck!

  32. Why’d you have to get all personal. It made me a bit glassy in the eye, if you will. I hate realigning – it kind of blows. I’m sending you an email that matt sent to me. I was thinking about it yesterday when we visited.

    1. Sorry babe, had to get it out. Somehow I feel better now that I did. Loved that email. Life just throws the unexpected at you and figuring out how to get through it all refines us. I really hope you get to enjoy yourselves this weekend. xx

  33. I’m so sorry to hear about all this, Somer. I can relate – I used to run marathons, and for a variety of health-related reasons (including an overuse [that’s an understatement] injury to one of my knees), I had to stop running a couple years ago and will probably never run again. It’s a painful transition (literally and figuratively) but it does get better/easier over time. ❤

    1. Amber, yeah, the loss is a really strange state (physically and mentally). I’m feeling supercharged though after dumping this post and I’m ready to fight the demons. I’ll get there. xx

  34. Somer – we’ve never met but when I read your blog thoughts, I think sometimes that I ‘know’ you a little and with all these supporters I know you’ll be lifted up from pain and back in your running shoes as quickly as possible. That and your family will get you through Girl….so sorry this didn’t all happen while Annie was up there to give you big hugs and help you through the tough days 😦 You know we’re all praying, hoping and yelling at the top of our lungs for your quick healing and pain relief. Thanks for letting us know and God bless ♥

    1. You know me too well, this is one of the reasons I blog. The community is so amazing and supportive, it’s hard not to feel lifted up after sharing my plight. xoxo

  35. What a touching post, Somer ~ wishing you a growth-filled and quick recovery. It’s so hard to have challenges to something as basic as movement, when there is no break from the awareness of how things have changed. A couple of friends have received difficult diagnoses recently, so have been thinking of how we do take things for granted … yet we never know when everything can change drastically in just one moment. Love your introspection and positive energy toward it all; mental attitude is so much of the battle. And a furry friend helps 🙂 With warmest wishes ~

    1. You are an angel my dear. It could be so much worse, but changing my focus is really helping. Thanks for everything!
      p.s. I haven’t forgotten your FB message, I’ll get there (I’m super behind!)

  36. So sorry, Somer! Now that you’re taking such good care of yourself I hope you’re on the road to recovery, if slowly. We’re all cheering you on!

  37. Hope you can reach a point at which you’re able to travel at a reasonable pace soon! I can’t believe something that was so seemingly small at the time have ballooned into this! It’s such a shame. Still, you have a damn cuddly dog.

    1. That’s what I keep thinking, it’s a bit ridiculous isn’t it? I’ll take any pace. I was never the fast runner girl anyway, slow and steady at about a 10 minute mile, but hey I could hold it there for a half marathon, and I think that’s probably unlikely to see myself there again. Maybe the 5k…

      Anyway, yes, he is damn cuddly. I’m Lucky.

  38. You know how heartbreaking I find this. In some ways I feel as if I took that tumble on the ice with you. More than that – I’ve been right where you are. An IT band injury sent me to PT and sidelined my goal of completing the Marine Corps Marathon. Just like you, I felt I was no longer a whole person without running. I lost a lot of pride. After 6 months on the blasted elliptical, I started running again and trained for the OKC marathon. Nagging pain in my knee turned out to be a degenerating meniscus (you may recall you sent me essential oils 🙂 to help with the pain). I had a choice, I could keep pounding out the miles and live with pain and cause damage, or I could run some, but walk mostly. I’m okay with it now, but it took a long time. Some days all I want to do is hit the road in my sneaks and see how far I can go. Anyway – you’ve been seriously knocked down, but I know you and I know you’ll be back up again, standing tall, looking beautiful and feeling like the million bucks you are.

    1. I feel like I’ve dragged you right into my personal hell, you’ve been there since the very beginning and I know you’ve felt all the things I’m going through, because you’ve been through it yourself AND because you feel me. Curse the blasted elliptical forever. Did I tell you I’m not allowed to use essential oils during my treatment? The anti-inflammatory properties are so powerful that they mimic healing and prevent the physical therapists from being able to see and feel what needs to be done. Dagnabit. All taped up today, with orthotics in my shoes. PT yesterday revealed my gait (gimpy pronation) may be preventing the healing process from progressing. Who knew? I’m typically anti-orthotic, but desperation has taken over. We’ll see, at least the tape is relieving some of the pain I’ve been experiencing since trying to use the treadmill with the antigravity thingy last week. Pool running this afternoon and yoga tonight. It’s gonna get interesting. xoxoxo

  39. Oh dear Somer – I am so sorry to hear how hurt you are!
    Running is such a big part of your life and part of the journey you have been on, back to health. I can imagine how this must feel for you!
    I have just been through almost 6 months without running because I injured my hip. The doctors and Physio said – chronic and there is not much we can do! When I heard that I died a little inside! Running is such a big part of my life, I need it, it keeps me sane and it is crucial when it comes to keeping my cholesterol down naturally. Now I am back on the road again – it took a long while and I had to, had to take it easy, real easy – which was real hard!! 🙂
    You can do it Somer! – take it really easy, take really, really good care of yourself, be gentle, take small steps and you will heal!
    I am seeing you back on the road, running again, big smiles, back to your healthy self !!!
    Thinking of you and sending you love! XXXX

    1. Oh that little death inside! It’s so painful. I’m so happy to hear you’re back up on your feet, even if you do need to take it a bit easier. Thanks for your encouragement my dear. Much love right back at you!

  40. Thanks, Somer, for sharing your story. Ive been thinking about you since I finished reading Born to Run, because I think it was your blog, I read about how you began running. I freak out when I try to run, I think its my breathing, so I don’t have any endurance. Anyway, this is all going on for you with a reason, as you must know. When I was reading I was thinking punching bag….there’s some new exercise with a bag I’ve heard about, might have to hop on one foot but it would be a workout! Sending healing energy and hugs along to you.

    1. Oh girl, I so need a punching bag… Brilliant. I wonder if my new gym has one or if I just need to get one and hook it too my ceiling (whilst standing on one foot) 😉

      Hmmm, I have a couple friends that have discussed a similar breathing issue, but as they kept trying, and tried running much slower, one girl went on to run multiple half marathons… Just sayin’ 😉

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